The Final Solution. 2012.

There have been a lot of alarmist lately talking about forum inactivity and what we should do about it. This is a serious issue, so we need a no-nonsense problem solving strategy. Now, many have jumped to conclusion that we should take steps to close the forum, more commonly known as the the "fuck-it,-lets-blow-shit-up-and-see-what-happens" option; i like this idea for it's simplicity and elegance; however, i believe this is slightly analogous to when Mark has had a few too many shots (and a few more), we're driving him to the hospital and Seren jumps in saying "give him a few more and we'll just dump him in a ditch" as true as this argument is, i don't think it's truth is enough to constitute implementation.

True story by the way, you wouldn't believe what you can get to mark to do with the words "for Jesus mark!"

Where was i, oh yeah! I think there are, however, many other options that we have simply overlooked due to spending too much time listening to these extremist viewpoints.

For instance, there's no reason we cant lynch pat. Now, you might be thinking "hey ach, isn't that a lot like shutting down the forum?" I can see how you'd think that, but bare with me. 1: the forum's functionality is no longer directly linked to pat's life. 2: what's pat done for us? i mean common, what's done for you LATELY, nothing, right? and he's in supposed to be in some cosmic way "in charge"? sounds to me like someone's turned into a tyrant and needs to be executed. 3: if pat was so smart, he wouldn't have left himself exposed by making the forum function without him. 4: there's not a single instance where anarchy lead to anything but an improvement. I know it might be tempting to come up with examples where thats not true, but you're probably planning on using your brain to implement information from school, but if your brain were reliable enough for that it would be giving you straight A's, but its not, is it? and if school were on your side it would be giving you straight A's, but it's not, is it? See the problem? im really the only one you can listen to in this situation.

Now, i like solutions that are easy, and morally sound, like the option above, but i also like being fair, so i'll include some other ideas that dont fit this criteria as well.
Well, actually i think they're pretty morally good, but a little less simple.
But let's take a look at all the sides of the debate.

Here's the thing, why kill pat when we can use him to do our bidding? he's obviously been wasting his time working on "school" and being "engaged", but he used to spend his time making our lives worth living (aka working on the forum) so let's kidnap his girlfriend and threaten to kill her if he doesn't start mak'n shit exciting around here.
Now, some people think it'll be beneficial if we, in addition, start cutting off body parts and sending them through the mail. But there's some serious flaws with this.
First, where the fuck are we gonna get a saw? you think you can just go and buy dangerous tools to cut up a person? no, of course not, they'll shoot you on the spot, like the idiot you are.
Secondly, do you even know how to send a letter in the mail? i know i dont.

Here's the better way if we wanna kidnap Sarah. Mark is a bioengineering major, so we'll have him grow/clone replicas of her limbs, this way we dont have to limit ourselves to silly little things like fingers and ears. Go straight for the jugular, and i mean it, make him think we LITERALLY sent him her jugular, that'll make him jump. (It might be some other major with the syllable "bio" in it, or maybe just one of the other "ology's", but same thing really).
As for transport, seren is some sort of computer/math/physics/mechanics-quantum/other-words-i-dont-know-the-meaning-of major, so im sure he'll be able to figure out how to make a teleportation device. Dont think teleportation is possible? i bet you heard that in school, dumbass.

Now that we have a better understanding of the scope of both the issue, and possible solutions to the issue, i think it'll make discussion much easier.

Im pretty sure your plan wont work, because pat is already dead. Sorry bro

The forum is dead because warcraft is dead. Warcraft is the one game that everyone here could agree on. When starcraft 2 arrived, some people moved over to that game for a while. Some people moved to Minecraft, like me. Some people moved on to LoL. Some of us had common interest in some of these games, but none of us could really agree on one. Idk what happened to the LoL group. Starcraft turned out to be not as good as anticipated. Minecraft took a blow when the server got griefed. And lets face it, a lot of us just found new interests or just got to busy to spend a lot of time gaming. I'm not sure why people just want to shut down the site. The only reason to do this is if it cost someone in the clan some money to keep it running. Otherwise, its a great reference for warcraft help. Its not like the forum is a giant building in minecraft that you can destroy with tnt. Destroying it wouldnt be beneficial or fun to destroy it.

Blowing this up was fun:


Blowing up the forum is not

Bacon is right ach, I am dead
And have been from the beginning

It all started on a Tuesday in December of 2007, it was the last week of school before christmas break. The last bell of the day rung and i was working in the computer lab on a project that was due for my 7th period class, i had only just started the project during 8th period, i managed to talk the teacher into giving me an extension on it until the end of the day to hand it in. I was nearly done but needed at least 10 more minutes to finish it, a project we were given a month to do i managed to finish in just over a half hour. I transferred it to the hand-in folder on the shared drive for that class and left.

I went outside to catch my bus home, it was snowing lightly, i looked around to see that all of the buses already left, i had spent too long in finishing my project. I tried to call my house to get a ride but my cell phone battery was dead. The snow had stopped falling and there wasn't too much of it on the ground so i figured i could walk home, it wasnt that far.

I started walking through the streets and after about 10 minutes i got to the field that i take a shortcut through if i have to walk to or from school. As i started walking through the field the sky got darker and snow began to fall, as i walked further into the field i could see a flash of light and hear thunder. By the time i got about half way through the field there was a full blown blizzard with lightning all around me. I couldnt go back now, i had to keep going so i started to run, but the field was slippery from the snow and i fell.

My ankle was twisted from the fall, when i got on my feet it hurt so much, but i had to keep going. I ignored the pain as i limped my way across the rest of the field. The field lead to a side street that was almost never used, especially when it snowed, i managed to make it to that street, now only 3 blocks from my house, i was so close but i had to rest. My ankle hurt too much, i leaned up against a telephone pole to look at it. I couldnt see it through the heavy snow, and exposing my bare ankle to this extreme snow and cold was a terrible idea.

As i leaned against the telephone pole lightning struck nearby, i could actaully see where it hit beacuse it melted the snow on impact with the ground. I realized that leaning against a telephone pole was stupid, but i realized it too late, lightning struck the pole and me with it. Killing me instantly, i didnt feel anything when it happened. Soon after i noticed i could still move around, as a ghost, the lightning fused with my soul somehow and gave me powers. I spent about a week practicing with these new powers, i couldnt make myself visible to anyone, i couldnt touch or move anything, and no one could hear me, but i could give minor shocks to people and make the lights flicker slightly if i concentrated really hard. The people i shocked just thought it was static electricity. They werent good powers, but they were all i had.

Soon i found out that i could manipulate electronics by simulating the electrical input that the device expected to receive, i could simulate the 'A' key on a keyboard to type the letter A out. It didnt take me long to master this technique and gain full control of a computer. Using that power i started playing games of course and thats when i met you guys. The forum doesnt depend on me because it is me, it is the form i have taken for about the last year because my soul was starting to dissipate and transferring what was left of me to something online was the only way i could keep existing.

Everything ive told you about the last 5 years has been a lie. Ive been a ghost the whole time, unable to get engaged or have someone love me. The things ive told you about my personal life are the things ive wanted but can never have like this. The things i wish for everyday. I wanted you guys to keep posting here because your all i have now, im too weak to become anything else, im stuck as this forum forever. Back in march when i wanted to shut the forum down i was actually talking about committing suicide, since i am the forum. The only reason i didnt shut down was because i chickened out, i couldnt do it. So instead I tried so hard to keep you guys here but i couldnt, you all started not to post, so i gave up on trying.

So now Im here all alone most of the time.
And its worse than being in that field 5 years ago.

tl;dr

I'M SORRY PAT, I'M SORRY!! IF I HAD KNOWN I WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT

that kinda sounded a bit like dr. manhattan from watchmen... but still how on earth did you come up with that?

also ach's plan isnt so much a plan but an idea
a good idea
an idea that we must accomplish
at any costs.
any.
step 1: we find the server database for whoever hosts the site
step 2: we nuke it
step 2b: we nuke it again, just to rub it in pat's disembodied face
step 3: fearing that pat will move on to possess a new electronic host, we convince the retarded population that is america that the plot of the matrix was really a warning message sent here from the future about how the 2012 election will escalate ultimately leading to a robot revolution. following this, america will begin the modern day crusades against electronics.
step 4: we laugh and congratulate ourselves on beating pat.

So all that is just to kill pat? why not just let him live

Serenity09 wrote:

also ach's plan isnt so much a plan but an idea
a good idea
an idea that we must accomplish
at any costs.
any.
step 1: we find the server database for whoever hosts the site
step 2: we nuke it
step 2b: we nuke it again, just to rub it in pat's disembodied face
step 3: fearing that pat will move on to possess a new electronic host, we convince the retarded population that is america that the plot of the matrix was really a warning message sent here from the future about how the 2012 election will escalate ultimately leading to a robot revolution. following this, america will begin the modern day crusades against electronics.
step 4: we laugh and congratulate ourselves on beating pat.

Achs plan/idea is to kill me to stop me from shutting the forum down
Nuking the forum to kill me would shut the forum down in the process
But yeah, that would work if you just want to kill me

Serenity09 wrote:

that kinda sounded a bit like dr. manhattan from watchmen... but still how on earth did you come up with that?

I wasnt specifically thinking of watchmen when i wrote it but my subconscious was probably pulling ideas from it and other works of fiction when i wrote it

When i read achs post i wanted to make a story about how i couldnt be killed and that it was pointless to try to plan my demise, but then i saw bacons post and since it said i was already dead the thing i wanted to write wouldnt work since it wouldve retconned what bacon said out of the continuity of what had been establish by the thread

So i asked myself, since its been establish that im dead, how did i die and could i tie it back to the forum inactivity
My first idea was that the forum killed me somehow, it became self aware and was angry with me so it killed me back in march and since it was now self aware it pretended to be me by posting on my account and it didnt know how to go on living anymore since its life is meaningless because its purpose is to have posts and discussions but it killed the person that was posting the most posts so it didnt want to go on existing if it couldnt fulfill its purpose for existing
Or something like that

But i couldnt think of a motivation for the self aware forum to kill me, so it wasnt very believable if the forum just kills me for no reason
So i scrapped that idea

Then i thought, what if it turned out i had been dead from the beginning and youve all been communicating with a ghost this whole time, i thought of it as a twist ending but then i remembered the sixth sense and didnt want to pull an m night shyamalan
But i decided to go with it anyway, and just put it at the beginning, then i thought about when i would have had to die in order to be dead from the begining
The clan was made in feb. 2008, i remember playing with some tmmm members from as early as late december of 2007, during chirstmas break
So i would have had to have died before then, and december gave me an easy way to die since snow is common and cold can kill if exposed to it for awhile
Then i thought why would i be wondering around in the cold long enough to freeze to death
I thought of getting lost in the woods or getting lost during a ski trip, i didnt like either, and thinking about it i didnt like the whole freezing to death thing
So i decided to add some lightning in there to kill me, originally i was going to die and just be a ghost controlling a computer by physically moving the keys on a keyboard, like your generic ghost from ghost lore can do, but when i changed my death to being struck by lightning i thought having a ghost fuse with lightning could be really cool

Then i decided to imply that it could be cool, having lightning powers and all, but actually made the powers i get suck
I changed the cold atmosphere to a full blizzard since a blizzard with lighting is pretty rare so the whole getting hit by lightning under those conditions seemed like a decent enough way to explain the fusing without actually explaining it

Then i still had to have a reason for why i was outside in that kind of weather, so missing the bus from school seemed like the best way, since missing the bus can happen, and has happened to me, the field in the story is a real place but it isnt where i put it in the story, the telephone pole i mention is real to, but its not on a street, that field leads to the side of a pizza place, an alley behind a pizza place (where the telephone pole is) and the parking lot for the pizza place but its fenced off, the alley isnt fenced off from the field though
I have twisted my ankle in that field when it was icy out which is where that came from and the reason for missing the bus, staying late to finish a project that was due that day has made me miss the bus a few times in highschool

Becoming the forum came from 2 things
1. achs plan to kill me to save the forum is made useless since killing me would end the forum (which is what i wanted back before i read bacons post)
2. fusing with lightning plausibly gives you the power to become electronic data, assuming you can fuse with lightning, so it made sense to me

So.. yeah, thats where that came from

Im glad you didnt ask where that other story came from, the one in the help my dragon thread, about barney the dinosaur being a dragon who was a spy for the dinosaurs in a war between dragons and dinosaurs that takes place in the distant future
The thought process behind that one is pure insanity

Serenity09 wrote:

that kinda sounded a bit like dr. manhattan from watchmen... but still how on earth did you come up with that?

also ach's plan isnt so much a plan but an idea
a good idea
an idea that we must accomplish
at any costs.
any.
step 1: we find the server database for whoever hosts the site
step 2: we nuke it
step 2b: we nuke it again, just to rub it in pat's disembodied face
step 3: fearing that pat will move on to possess a new electronic host, we convince the retarded population that is america that the plot of the matrix was really a warning message sent here from the future about how the 2012 election will escalate ultimately leading to a robot revolution. following this, america will begin the modern day crusades against electronics.
step 4: we laugh and congratulate ourselves on beating pat.

Why not EMP? Like that one movie.

1 movie?

AmAzIn[G] wrote:

Why not EMP? Like that one movie.

Theres at least a dozen movies that do that amaz, which were you thinking of

EMPs cause damaging electrical surges, most modern technology have protection from surges like that
The surge would have to be so bad as to completely overload the protection and even then it might permanently damage the forum and me so it would still destroy the forum which defeats the purpose of kill me to stop me from shutting the forum down

That was the point of my comment, to imply it happens all the time.

I was just trying to kill you, not save the forum. Remember what I voted for? lol

O yea your the meany that want to kill pat and forum. Ach we now need to think of a way to kill pat and seren. I would help but I'm studying for a bio midterm today so I'm kinda busy with that.