Pat; And my struggle for freedom

I have decided to finally get back at Pat,
Enjoy.

Pat,

Roughly twenty three years ago, on a secluded Phoenix street corner, a homeless man discovered the body of a dead woman. It was roughly half an hour past midnight. He ran for the nearest pay phone he could find, and started to dial when he realised that he had no money. He got down on all fours and began to search the ground for some money.

It was at this time, about 0 hours and 37 minutes, that this homeless man felt an excruciating pain originating from his abdominal area. He tried to ignore it - it was the hunger, he had not eaten for a week and a half, but he could not. The pain affected him greatly, and was still affecting him when, at exactly the 3rd millisecond of the 3rd second of the 3rd minute of the 0th hour of the 3rd day of the 3rd week of the 3rd month of the 3rd year after 1985, a mysterious figure appeared before him, hovering in the air.

It disappeared promptly, and he had a sudden urge to eat. In a mad rage, he rushed towards that dead woman's body, and tore chunks of flesh from it, stuffing them into his frothing mouth. His hunger was satisfied, but he knew he couldn't report the murder anymore. He grabbed what remained of the body to eat later, and rushed into his hiding spot.

It was there, a week later, that he transformed into a zombie. A few pointless details later, he brutally attacked, raped, killed, and ate a woman (some sort of Jewish prostitute).

It turns out that eating people you rape is a bad idea, because this dude discovered he was pregnant, and he died in the process of giving birth. To you. You worthless son of a zombie, dumb fucking bitch shit ass.

tl dr

what does this have to do with anything?

Knight of Gods wrote:

what does this have to do with anything?

What the hell does anything I post have to do with.

I found something creative and wanted to post it.

lol where did u find this?

Kallock wrote:

tl dr

yeah, i only read things written/stolen by intelligent people.

Achilles.42 wrote:

Kallock wrote:

tl dr

yeah, i only read things written/stolen by intelligent people.

TL:DR

Only read stuff written by intelligent people.

A wise man once said that reading a single sentence is too much for only the most idiotic of our race.

a wise man once said "stop quoting me, ya douchebaglets, i din't say any of dat shit"

anyways, this thing was funny. why is every1 making this into such a big deal...?

Serenity09 wrote:

a wise man once said "stop quoting me, ya douchebaglets, i din't say any of dat shit"

anyways, this thing was funny. why is every1 making this into such a big deal...?

Ach is always mad, kog and kallock, well I have no idea.

Because everyone likes pissing off amaz, it's kind of a sport now.

likes pissing off*

Ill write my own story eventually
Unlike you, amaz, i dont steal my jokes from more creative people

It will be epic, with me trading your soul to the devil
Thats not a spoiler, that will happen almost right away

Coming soon this summer
Amaz; And the Devil's struggle for dominance

Spoiler:

Lol, I will write my own story as well.

It will involve Canada Vs. America
Mac's Vs. Pc's
and Seren Vs. Pat

now im more excited for pats story than harry potter

Well if amaz is going to write one im going to change mine up and make it more serious
As a result the beginning will change and it will have more backstory

I might just write 1 chapter at a time and post it here 1 by 1, my post earlier was just a joke, i never intended to actually write anything, or if i did it would be something short, but now i have some good ideas so its much longer

It wont be for awhile though

I am a liar
Instead of "It wont be for awhile though" its more like "Right now"

Tell me if you want me to keep it going, this should be the most boring chapter as it is setting everything up, i tried to keep it interesting though
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Chapter 1


I awoke to a wonderful smell, a smell that I couldn't resist. It was 11:04am and I could smell pancakes being prepared. There's no better breakfast then pancakes with butter and maple syrup. Someone once told me that my love for pancakes borders on the irrational. I quickly got up and went into the kitchen to get some when I was greeted by a wonderful girl, a girl I couldn't resist. Sarah, my girlfriend of 3 years. If my love for pancakes is considered irrational, then my love for her would be considered completely and utterly insane.

“Good morning” she said

I mean just look at this, here she is getting up earlier so that she could make my favorite breakfast just for me. What more could you ask for.

“This smells great” I said

It's not like she does this all the time or anything, in fact today was a special occasion, it was the first day of summer break. We got back home last night from the college we attend. The last time she made pancakes like this was before the start of last semester, so getting pancakes that she made is a real treat.
We sat down to eat

“Sam and Dave called me, they want to know if we want to go to the beach with them today” Sarah said

Sam is a friend of ours from high school that now goes to a different college then we do. She prefers being called Sam rather than Samantha, I've never found out why, but she doesn't like being called Samantha, I know that much. Dave is her current boyfriend, I don't know anything about him, I don't even know for sure that he's her boyfriend.

“Sure, that sounds good” I said

I was going to suggest that we go to the beach today anyway, it's a really nice Saturday. It was only the middle of May, but it was so warm out that it felt like early June. We live about 10 minutes from the beach, that is when traffic is light, so we go there quite often during the summer. We go there so often that we even have a “spot” that we go to on the beach.

“I texted her that we would be there at 1:00pm in the usual spot” she said

We finished eating and I told her how great she was for making breakfast. She went to pick out a bathing suit to wear, she looks good in anything though. I went to the computer to kill time. I was hoping she would put on and show me some of the bikinis she had. I didn't say that though, I could have, but I like it more if she decides to do something like that herself. Fortunately for me, she did.


We decided to leave at 12:30pm after getting everything packed up to go. Apparently we weren't the only ones to have the idea that today is a good day to go to the beach. We talked while sitting there in traffic when I was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of dread.

It's the kind of feeling you get when you see something bad is about to happen but you can't react in time to stop it. I looked all around me frantically but there was no danger that I could see. The feeling began to grow, it was as if I could feel that my life was about to end and that there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Sarah stopped mid sentence and said “What's wrong?”

“Oh, it's, nothing” I responded

“That wasn't nothing. It looked like you just saw something that really scared you”

“No, it's just that.. did we remember the sunscreen?”

I didn't want to worry her yet, as far as I could tell there was no reason for me to be feeling this way, so everything should be fine. Thats what I kept telling myself as we drove closer to the beach. The feeling wasn't going away. It was so strong that it felt like it was affecting my very soul, well that's how I would describe it if I wasn't an Atheist and actually believed in that sort of stuff.

“Do you feel like we forgot something, or anything like that?” I asked

“No, I just checked, we have everything” she replied

I need to think rationally about this. I must be having some sort of panic attack, I've never had one before, but it's the only explanation. I never remember feeling panic in my life, although I can't remember ever being in a situation that would cause panic. The traffic started to let up but I was afraid to drive too fast. Sarah could tell something was wrong with me, she shifted around in her seat to get closer to me and put her head on my shoulder and her hand on my leg. Her touch began to calm me down.

By the time we finally made it near the beach it was 1:20pm, Sam had texted Sarah that they were stuck in traffic to so that they probably wouldn't be there until 1:30. Parking was a nightmare, there are 3 choices with where you can park, there are spaces near the beach that are free, there are spaces that have a parking meter, and there are lots that charge you a fee to park your car there for the day. I say that they are choices but they aren't, the free spaces are always filled, and the lots charge up to $35 to park there, so you're really only left with the spaces that have parking meters.

Sometimes I think the free spaces just have old cars that don't even work, to make it look like you can park for free if you manage to get there in time, but really they want you to pay. Like it's some sort of conspiracy to give the illusion of choice.

It took over 10 minutes to find a parking space, and we had to park 3 blocks away from the beach. As we walked to the beach we passed a rather strange hotdog stand on the corner, the guy running it was wearing a pig suit, and the umbrella on the stand said “Hogsly's Hotdogs”. There was something really disturbing with a pig selling hotdogs to me, it's like he's committing murder, chopping up his victims then selling the parts of the corpses. No one else seemed bothered by it though as he had a long line with a lot of kids.

We came up to the crosswalk when we saw Sam and who I assume is Dave far across the street.

“Hey guys!” Sarah yelled

They stopped walking, turned around and waved. Sam had an odd and noticeable mark on her right shoulder. I couldn't tell what it was from here.

Suddenly, that feeling of dread returned, this time even stronger then before. I became afraid to stand to close to the street, I backed away. Sarah noticed this and took my hand. Her touch didn't help as it did before. The light changed and we were able to cross, but I didn't want to. No, it wasn't about my wants, I physically couldn't move. I had no choice in the matter. Sarah began to walk across, I gripped her hand tighter so that she couldn't cross. I pulled her closer, took a deep breath and forced myself to move, I ran as fast as I could to cross that street, pulling Sarah by her hand with me.

Unfortunately, I didn't notice the van that was running the red light to my left. But even worse is that the van didn't notice us. I heard screams then a loud thud, felt a sharp pain, saw dozens of random colors, smelled and tasted the pancakes i had eaten. My senses had gone crazy. Then, there was nothing.

END OF CHAPTER 1

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I dont know how many chapters there will be
Probably no more then 5

Tell me if you want to see it continued, if not ill just stop here

Writing an intro without a conclusion is like penetration without climax; it would be too cruel.

wow despite how retarded i think foreshadowing is in all its forms, that was pretty good

i guess mostly b/c i could actually see most of it being true.

alright amaz, lets see your counter.

also, pat, Hogsly is copyrighted to me and kog. i'll let the honorable mention slide, but anything more and you'll hear from our lawyer.

Something inside me changed from reading that, it was amazing!!

The first bit of Chapter 2:

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CHAPTER 2

There was nothing but a vast emptiness. Being an Atheist, this is what should be expected, but what I didn't expect was the ability to experience the nothingness. It was much different then I thought, I had pictured the experience of being dead as being like what you experienced before you were born. But this was nothing like that.

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The whole chapter is coming this week

Nothing but lies. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Finish the story you bum

He wont--no balls.

Pat, stop avoiding this thread.

PS: Bump.